10. Birdfeed & Beez: The Doctor’s Diagnosis of Heartbreak

The research on this disease and its diagnosis involved only a small focus group, but what it lacked in size it made up for in the consistency of its commonalities — its symptoms, treatments, anguish, and prognosis.

For something so unique to each person, I’m talking bout’ LOVE — the aftermath of its loss yielded similar results across the board for all patients.

Heartbreak, in its early stages is a mental nausea riding a wave of anxiety and regret. In extreme cases it can actually produce physical nausea and vomiting, but this nausea is in relation to the anticipation of a panic attack or paralyzing sadness, even depression.

It cedes with time and evolves in its elongated departure. Not unlike the five stages of grief.

A Case Study

For one anonymous patient, it began as anger and frustration towards the former lover. With no outlet for expression amongst friends, family, or with the ex, the bargaining stage took place internally.

This is NOT recommended by Doctors. In the bargaining or denial stage it’s best to say what needs to be said and then moving on to the next stage.

If someone does not choose you, you need to do your best to choose something else without remaining in either denial or bargaining for long.

After the internal bargaining stage became a limbo-like state of frustration, as the anger shifted towards the individual stricken with the disease rather than the heartbreaker.

The energy and honed on that frustrating and regret of previous decisions morphed into a sadness and ultimately into a two month depression for this particular patient.

Now stuck in the depression stage, the only stage left was acceptance. Getting to that point was even more difficult without the communication, distance, and proper coping methods available.

Over time, with proper focus, daily excursions, a healthy dose of physical activity, and new prospects in the dating world, the patient bested the disease over a seven month span.

INITIAL ONSET

Heartbreak can reveal itself in a number of ways. Physically, it can be experienced in quick-forced breaths, a failing attempt at ridding the body of anger, angst, and exhaustion. These breaths are heaved from the chest and they settle with unwanted attention in the lower intestine.

It’s mentally draining and can lead to the momentary collapse of the mind. The heavy weight the brain continues to exult into the consciousness with such consistency totally wears it out, as it levies past scenarios, mistakes and hypotheticals against raw emotion and passion in what can feel like a marathon early on, but will eventually dissolve into a random set of sprints. From there, it’s more like a healthy jog, until you’re back in shape and don’t need to run anymore.

THE BATTLE

This mental battle can lead to depression, erratic behavior, projected anger, self-hatred, and other aggressive symptoms. It’s often likened to the five stages of grief and the effects can evolve and shapeshift over time until they are ultimately accepted. The entire process can feel like a drowning sensation of exhausted emotion. Of grief.

It should be noted that serious side effects should not apply to one-night stands or on behalf of those that didn’t even make it to date three; although it’s been shown that quick exits with high-potential partners have shown similar, but limited side effects. Those showing the same downward spiraling after only a date or two, should seek further help. 

And by help, this is referring to getting shit together, bossing the fuck up to the best of their ability. 

Regardless of the pain, it’s recommended to let the heartbreak settle in for at least the first week in order to fully process the emotion that can often get stuck in the gut. Probiotics are a great resource for natural gut health. The probiotics in this case could be an easy weekend outdoors, some ice cream on the couch, a hang with a good friend, the simple things.

Regarding the parties involved in the heartbreak:

Depending on the situation which is entirely different with every “situationship,” it’s common that a righteous “Breaker” will allow the “Broken” to navigate the communication in the early stages of separation, as long as Broken steers on a clear course. Cruel Breakers can increase the severity of the side effects by refusing to communicate or offer closure to the Broken is on the mend. It’s important to discuss what is best for both parties moving forward, if possible of course.

In moving on and up, it’s beneficial for mended hearts to leave behind what is needed to be left and take with them the growth they experienced in the relationship and in dealing with the rat bastard of a disease itself.

For something as deep and painful as heartbreak Can be, it’s a delicate wound to address.

It’s recommended that a broken heart mends amongst others.

Friends and family are important at this time. New people too, building new friendships/relationships of any kind, even if they don’t last, is a great way to kickstart the healing process. The sense of starting something new with someone in any form—be it cycling class, a book club, intramural sports, online gaming, etc. etc. etc.

Looking forward to seeing those new people and then catching up with them is a mini massage for the mind. Engaging that social cortex, focusing on someone else and not your own heartbreak lifts the heavy, metal blanket that can deflect the sun from spreading its glow atop.

Mental massages, either by a licensed therapist, or through conversation with supportive friends and family can do wonders. Get the heartbreak out of the chest and into the open air, and simply continue.

If the band-aid is ripped off too early, the wound can get infected. If it’s kept on for too long, same problem.

After the right amount of time—be it a week or a year—dating is of course one of the best ways to continue moving forward. If you’re lucky enough to meet somebody that you’re excited to see, and then keep seeing them, that will quickly suture a shredded ticker.

Building new relationships, no matter how big or small, is chicken soup for the soul and one of the best medicines

Like any health issue, mental or physical, actually living healthy is always an immediate and progressive combatant. A well-balanced diet and consistent workouts will improve sleep, energy, appetite sex drive, and confidence.

Accomplishing things in general will keep your to-do list from building and overwhelming you, something that can lead to further self-degradation.

Complete that healthy lifestyle with some rewards for a good day of livin’ and you’ll be on the right path.